My husband has been confrontational with policemen. Once when a belligerent cop stopped him my husband asked him if he’d had nails for breakfast. That didn’t go well. He was handcuffed and taken to the nearest precinct.

When I see flashing lights through my rearview mirror, I panic. My heart beats faster and I feel scared. I know I’ve done nothing wrong and all my documents are in order. Nonetheless, I am not flippant about law enforcement encounters. I don’t like getting into trouble and I fear police authority. I recognize their power.

When in the past a policeman has approached my car window I remain calm, respectful and cooperative. I’ve never cried but my sister-in-law has, and she got a warning instead of a speeding ticket.

Below is a quote from the New York Times article, “A Driver Fatally Shot By Police Had a Trail of Minor Traffic Stops.”

“In his first six years as a driver, Mr. Castile received nearly two dozen tickets, mostly for driving without insurance or with a suspended license.”

It’s true Castile was breaking the law but something’s wrong when his misdemeanors lead to his murder.

If Black Lives Matter supportors knew that white policemen guilty of wrongdoing would be treated as any criminal,  jailed as any murderer, they might not feel the need to take matters into their own hands. There are hateful, white policemen in the world and they need to be weeded out.

Last week, I attended a party that was jam-packed. I parked in my mother-in-law’s driveway nearby. I didn’t realize I’d have to trespass on her neighbor’s property in order to get to the event but when I realized it, I kept on.

I was uncomfortable but I didn’t stop.

As I crossed the lawn at midnight, I wondered what would happen if the people who lived in the house looked out and saw me in their backyard.

Like I said, I feel fear everytime a cop is near, but deep down I know if there’s an encounter with the homeowners or the police, I could safely talk myself out of it.

The situation would be totally different if I was male or black.

At that moment, that night, I felt privileged.

I know because I’m female and white—I get away with murder.