Emojis really bug me. I don’t now why; but they do. They lack imagination. They are uninspiring. But mostly, they are annoying. The biggest problem is that I can’t see them on my cell phone. They are so tiny I need a magnifying glass. These smiley faces do not make me happy; in fact, they are infuriating. And my husband won’t stop sending them to me. How can we communicate if I can’t decipher what he’s saying? Is the red mark on the smiley face puckered lips or a tongue sticking out? He can’t stand sitcom laugh tracks; and I used to wonder how a person could get enraged from laughter. Maybe we’ve been married for too long, but I get it now. Emoji smiley faces are maddening. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a huge supporter of the original 1970’s smiley face. But there is something about this emoji that makes my skin crawl. I have nothing against ancient cave drawings, hieroglyphics or even Morse Code; but if I see one more dancing girl, I will have come up with the perfect reason to use the gun emoji. I admit I've added :) and :(  to some recent messages; but I have no reason to use the man wearing a turban, a syringe with blood or two boys holding hands. Who uses this emoji? In what context would it be applicable to send this? I guess a teenage boy who was coming out could send that emoji with a text message that said, “Hey, Dad, guess what?” Emoji is a computer language that originated in Japan. Pictures were created so people could send a lot of information through a small amount of data. But how is that necessarily beneficial? Don’t tell me if you were just dumped by the love of your life this broken heart would suffice to express how you felt. Did you know that in addition to a broken heart emoji there is a green heart, a red heart, a blue heart, a yellow heart, a purple heart, a growing heart, a beating heart, a sparkling heart and a revolving heart? All of these symbols rub me the wrong way because they are cartoonish and child-like. They are one-dimensional and flat. I don’t have anything against cartoons per se; but emojis are not smart like Family Guy or sophisticated like The New Yorker. Maybe what’s happening to language is no different from when, almost 300 hundred years ago, “will not” turned into “won’t” and “you are” turned into “you’re”. Lexicographers of the time objected. I certainly don’t want to be left behind, out of date. So, maybe I’ll come around. I’ve started to use exclamation points excessively in my text messages even though I was schooled to use them sparingly. But today, in a texting world, it’s what’s expected. When you don’t, you come across as dull and unfriendly. Note the difference: Come over. And… Come over!!! Language has depth and dimension. Words convey meaning, complex, multi-faceted thoughts and emotions that are layered and fluid, which arouse our five senses; sound, taste, touch, smell and sight. Emojis don’t do that. They may be quick and easier to use than words; but they are as sensual as a kid’s stamp kit. The purpose of emojis is to allow you to get more bang for your buck, so to speak; and while sometimes quick and easy is preferable, not everything is better abridged.