But she wasn’t.
In The Problem With Fat Talk, Renee Engeln reports that in a 2011 survey, 90 percent of college woman admitted to engaging in fat talk. Only 9 percent of them were actually overweight.
Shaming the body is a big deal. It makes people feel bad and it brings others around them down too. Plus, it’s contagious.
Studies show that fat talk is common in women across all ages and all body sizes.
For most of my life, I was spared that destiny. I didn’t engage in fat talk, count calories, compare low fat diets or eliminate carbs. I could eat as much as I wanted and was still naturally thin.
Until I wasn’t.
Or until I thought I wasn’t because technically I was still thin, just not as thin as I’d always been.
My body started changing in my forties when I grew a fibroid the size of a honeydew. (I know in my post Attachment Theory, I said it was expected to be the size of grapefruit; but it wasn’t.)
It was huge and I wasn’t used to having to hide parts of myself under clothing. Around that time, feeling defeated, I succumbed and began fat talking.
But the fibroid was removed 9 months ago, and up until a month ago, I was still at it. Fat Talking, I mean.
I’d stopped exercising, gained some weight and felt bad about it.
I was fat talking myself into a tizzy and I didn’t recognize myself. Who was this woman talking about getting fat all the time?
And then one morning, I had enough.
I booked a stay at a spa.
Four days of rigorous hiking, exercise and diet.
I did this to take care of myself. I’ve always believed exercise was important and I couldn’t believe how I let myself get so out of shape. Not literally as in my physical shape (although that too) but strength-wise. I used to be athletic: a cheerleader, a track runner, a tennis player. How was it that a set of stairs had me huffing and puffing?
For a month now, I’ve been exercising regularly; Pilates, treadmill, weight training, stretching, a little bit more each day.
I’ve been cooking with less oil, reading lists of ingredients and drinking water with lemon and cayenne pepper.
It’s only been a couple of weeks so it’s not that I look all that different; but I certainly do feel different.
I have some goals: build strength and tone. And never again let myself be all (fat) talk and no action.